Hey, let’s make all our songs the same length!

Good golly, that’s good timin’.

OHMYGOD STOP SINGING!!!

Jake’s here! I don’t want him to know I eat!

— Boy, this fits right in on all those 100 calorie a day tumblogs: Sixteen Candles Lost Scene [Video]

Blue Jays pain: who’s on first?

It pains me to see Adam Lind at 1B. He looks completely out of sorts out there. Every play is either a fumble, bumble or recovery.

And our concussed lead man, captain of the doubles his first year with the Jays, Lyle Overbay? Graceful as he is in the field, he has 27 doubles this year, is hitting just .247, and has on on base percentage that puts him second last in the league for first basemen. Woeful stuff.

Meanwhile, our Toronto, Canada brother Joey Votto? He’s destroying National League pitching for the Cincinnati Reds. He’s younger, cheaper and better than Overbay (by a long shot) and Lind (by a year and a few thousand). And his stats? Not far behind if you combine Overbay and Lind’s output.

The Adam Lyle Overlind Monster
107 runs, 50 doubles, 35 homers, 118 RBIs, and 91 walks.

Joey Votto
91 runs, 27 doubles, 32 home runs, 97 RBIs, and 73 walks.

So, as a Canadian, rooting for a Canadian team, you’d have to think Joey must have gone high in the first round to have escaped the Jays on draft day. 

Of course not.

In 2002 Joey was picked 2nd round, 44th over all by Cincinnati. Nowhere near the top of the talent pool.

The Jays chose Russ Adams in the 1st round, 14th over all, well ahead of Votto, and followed with David Bush 11 picks after Votto. Was there any effort to trade up from Bush? Who knows.

The fun of all this is that Adams is a bust, and David Bush was a big piece of the trade for Lyle Overbay.

And so we’re left without Canadian content, no suitably contributing first baseman, and a team where their best player batting average is 46 points below Votto’s. Ugly, ugly stuff.

This is how I feel about buying apps (sans the coffee of course). →

And there’s no doubt Jocelyn digs her iPad.

By clicking a single button, a complex tracking shot could be instantly changed into black-and-white to fully emphasize the repugnance of masculine insecurities.

— Very, very funny Onion article, Martin Scorsese Attends Free iMovie Demonstration At Apple Store via @gruber

Crossed.

Well, couldn’t sleep last night. Once again. Amongst other things, started reading Crossed. Couldn’t put it down. That didn’t help the sleep plan.

Hyper-grotesque depravity aside, there was a cinematic quality and such decent character threads built up over the 10 episode arc that I just kept going. And just the right kind of closure. 

Here’s page 27 of 35 of the final issue, to give you a feel for where this it’s going. 

Yep, just the right kind of closure.

casiestewart:

i’m really excirted for halloween this year. possibly more than ever.

What are your plans for Hallowe’en this year? Our Tequila Monthly fortuitously falls on Friday the 29th and Qasim and I are trying to decide if we should see if we can pack the place or just have a casual affair as per usual.

Enemies of Christ and Country: first hand observations from Tea Party central. →

Such a great read from @thebombbag, I’m just going to include it all, right here:

On Saturday, I biked to Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally on the mall. I didn’t go because I believed in the politics or the people behind this ultra-right movement. I went because I thought it would be funny. Small crowd. Ridiculous posters. Angry people. I wanted to take out my camera, snap pictures, engage some of the crazier folks, and report back that this movement is a deteriorating joke, a parody of itself. Well…

Crowd size: I understand why some of the left-leaning sites like to downplay the size of the crowd but the reflecting pool was shoulder-to-shoulder, the large area to the left of the reflecting pool was lawn chair-to-lawn chair, the WWII memorial was packed, and the area leading up the Washington Monument was loosely packed with folks who didn’t want to fight the crowds. Knowing DC crowds, it would be irresponsible to say that there were much fewer than 100,000 people there.

Ridiculous posters: There weren’t any. There were some pretty ridiculous shirts and lots of ridiculous colonial hats and outfits and “Don’t Tread On Me” paraphernalia but not a lot of ridiculous posters. The reason why there weren’t a lot of ridiculous posters was because Beck asked people not to bring posters. He said he’d like the movement to remain apolitical. Anyone with the ability to look at a bigger picture knows it’s because the racist and misspelled posters of the Tea Party undermine their message and focus the people’s attention on the stupidity of its followers.

I’m capitalizing Tea Party from now on, by the way, because they’re organized and they fall in line. Beck said, “No posters,” and they left their posters home. They are a movement, not some waning fad. They should be taken seriously. They are a proper noun. A frightening, massive, proper noun.

Angry people: Well, there was a lot of crying. When I went to Obama’s inauguration there was a lot of crying, too. I cried, and I’m not much of a crier. There was a sense of hope and optimism in the air and it was overwhelming. We were ready to move on from the past and to tackle the future. The folks at this rally, however, were crying simply BECAUSE we were crying a year and a half ago. They don’t like what we did or tried to do or want to do. They think we have no soul, no patriotism. They think we forgot what made this country great and that we’ve been running it into the ground. They have no proof, they have faith. And faith, I’m finding, is a very dangerous thing to fight.

And faith is exactly what this rally was about.

It was like a Mega Church. It was like I was somewhere in Colorado Springs and not in downtown DC. Every speaker had one message: we need to bring Jesus Christ back into the fold. And every attendee agreed. This country is Jesus’s country. Not God. Not some vague higher power. Not the people’s country. It was Jesus Christ’s country. Jesus before God before family before country. It was frightening.

Several speakers made reference to the “spirit” of Dr. Martin Luther King JR, except I’m pretty sure they were calling on the spirit of Reverend Martin Luther King JR and by spirit I mean the spirit of the word “Reverend” and by reverend I mean a fire-and-brimstone Pentecostal preacher. One of the speakers actually had the audacity to say that he, too, had a dream – and that dream was that all Americans, including the “Red Man”, would come to worship Jesus Christ. Which is as far away from King’s dream as you could get.

You know, I always saw the Tea Party as racist. How could you not? And they declared over-and-over again that they weren’t racist and that we were being reverse racists for claiming that they were racists. Well…I still think they’re by-and-large racist but I don’t they they want to bring us back to 1963 or 1861 or 1776. After listening to the speeches and observing the people and seeing their tears and hearing their cheers I think what they really want, at the end of the day, is a Theocracy.

A Theocracy.

The only thing more dangerous than 100k+ racists wanting to “take the country back” is 100k+ zealots who want to establish a Theocracy. Who honestly believe that fundamental Christianity should be the foundation of every decision this country makes.

This goes beyond the idea of having an official State Religion, something that is in-and-of-itself dangerous. Having a theocracy would put us on the same list with a handful of other countries, including Iran and Afghanistan under the Taliban.

What happens to Jews and Muslims under this proposed theocracy? What happens to the non-believers? Forced conversions? Stonings? Or maybe a more “diplomatic” solution, like increased taxes or segregation or deportation.

I wrote my friend Lauren of STFU, Tea Baggers and told her that I was generally scared of what I saw. They were organized, and they’re redefining the narrative of this country. She responded with a level-headed counterpoint, that once one of “their guys” gets elected and doesn’t do anything they’ll see that all politicians are the same and quiet down a bit.

I’d like to publically respond to that opinion.

You see, they don’t have to really do anything as long as they have an enemy. No republican, hard-right or moderate, wants to end war because war creates an enemy. The Soviet Union, the War on Drugs, the Middle East – they need these wars to create enemies: Communists, drug addicts, and Muslims, respectively. No republican, hard-right or moderate, wants to make abortion illegal – they need abortion to create an enemy: women, pro-choice supporters, liberals. No republican, hard-right or moderate, wants to fix the deficit – they need the deficit to create an enemy: healthcare, welfare, and, through some twisted logic, even taxes.

The more enemies they can define, the more of a powerbase they can solidify. They don’t need to deliver right away, as long as they point to someone that’s standing in the way. And as they continue to bury us in debt and as they continue to screw over the disenfranchised and as they continue to focus their finger-pointing and say, “It’s this person’s fault,” they’ll continue to grow their base and whittle down their opposition.

And the people will continue to buy it. They’ll believe more and more that we’re enemies of Christ and Country. And, before the republicans can stop the monster they’ve created, we’ll get real fundamentals in charge. And we will become a theocracy. And America will no longer exist.

This may not be their plan, but what I saw on Saturday was a bunch of short-sighted politicians and marketers who are unable or unwilling to look twenty years into the future. Short-sightedness and greed have been the true enemies of America since Reagan, and I fully believe that when it comes time to reap the fruits of the labors of the men pulling the strings, it’ll be the end of everything we now know and care for.

Sorry, folks, but THIS is what we should be afraid of, if we’re afraid of anything.

I can’t believe this, they fucking forgot my birthday.

— It’s a John Hughes Saturday night.

Don’t know what’s worse, the poorly thought out name or the logo that looks like a gingerbread man jumping off a cliff.

thedailywhat:

Poor Choice Of Words of the Day: Still not as bad as the PTSD Resource of Alaska’s formal dance benefit “A Night To Never Forget.”

[b&p.]

Also handy for Apple’s compact keyboard, which is now their default offering.

trifunkalicious:

roberthaverly:

Balmuda Numberkey Software

Turns your iPhone/iPod touch into a numeric keypad for your notebook. Wouldn’t it be useful if your notebook computer had a numeric keypad? The NumberKey turns your iPhone/iPod touch into a portable numeric keypad so you can use it at your home, office, and even when you’re on-the-go.

I usually opt for a colonic.

thedailywhat:

Print Ad of the Day: Woman’s Day recently ran this questionable ad for feminine hygiene brand Summer’s Eve’s Feminine Wash, which offers women advice on how to ask for a raise. Tip #1? Douche it up.

Summer’s Eve brand manager Angela Bryant apologized on behalf of her company for offending readers, and said they were “taking immediate next steps to remove the ad from circulation.”

Yeah, good luck with that.

[adfreak.]

Nice! We’re the official backup party of Queen West.

joncrowley:

smack416:

Party day! Need to make up for missing #genyto.

If I wasn’t going to another party, I would be going to this party.